God's perfect timing...

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Oh, but what could the plans be to bring a child into a family for only 24 days and then take her home to be with You? Dear Lord, please, comfort my heart and explain why it is such a precious life ends so early?

Something I learned early on in my experience with Christ is that God uses tragedy in our lives for two reasons: 1) to bring us closer to Him or 2) to use US to bring OTHERS closer to Him. Unfortunately, that does little to console my aching heart for a family who has recently lost their 3 week old daughter.

Little Unidy was brought into this world all too soon - at 23 weeks gestation and lived a short - but impacting 24 days in this world. Throughout her time, I watched her family experience the kindness of friends, family, and co-workers as they delivered food and gave of their time to spend with the family and check in on them. Kindness that we often forget in this cruel world. Often, our lives are so busy and self-consumed that we forget what it's like to be kind and simply share in the love and life of others around us. We forget how wonderful it is to give of ourselves and to just LOVE on one another. To feel how rewarding it is to reach out and just give of ourselves as Christ gave to us so many years ago. What a wonderful feeling.

Unidy, while I never got the chance to meet her, no doubt, was a precious child. She was, after all, a daughter of the most High King. She is, once again, reunited with her Father in Heaven, kneeling at His throne, praising His name amongst the angels.

While I'm a little bit jealous of her presence in the Kingdom, I am saddened at the loss we feel on earth for her. I am heartbroken for her precious family. Her beautiful mother, her sacrificial daddy here on earth, and the amazing siblings the Lord blessed her with while she was here on earth.

As a new mother, my heart just shatters for the real pain this family must feel and I hurt so much for the loss they must be feeling. But, as a daughter in Christ, I rejoice in knowing they will one day be reunited in the Kingdom of God! While we will never understand the plans the Lord has for us - and for our children, we rest only in knowing His plan is the best and is all knowing.

Father, I pray for your peace and love on The Johnson family. I pray for their comfort and your reassurance to them that you have all things in your hands, regardless of our doubt. Please, grant us patience as we struggle with the loss of a child here on earth but remind us daily Unidy is with you - forever - the daughter of a King. Amen.

No junk here...

I used to ask myself this question a lot.  Who am I?  What am I?  What do I feel?  Who am I with this person?  Who am I with that person?  What I realized was that my identity was built in my struggles - my character defects - my anger - my rage - my hurts - my inability to forgive.  What I failed to realize was who created me.


You see, the Bible tells me who I am.  I don't have to ask who I am or what I am.  God told me that in the very beginning of the Bible.  In Genesis 1:26, the Bible says, "Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness..."


See, the cool thing is, God tells us WHO and WHAT we are.  He tells us WHY we are, in Jeremiah 29:11 when He said, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  


I remember spending many nights in my destructive ways before I came to realize how much the Lord loved me.  I would drink until I was sick.  I would cut when my emotions ran high.  I would indulge in pornography and hateful words to fill a void of rage.  I would lash out at those around me.  I would lie.  I would quote movies or books and say they were my own thoughts.  I would steal the minds of others and live vicariously through the lives of others who seemed so well put together.  I would strive to look better than my friends - yet knowing in my deep dark corners, I wasn't that beautiful supermodel.  But you see, that's where the devil led me to believe.   The devil led me to think that I wasn't PERFECT in God's eyes.   But, again, God told me I was made in HIS LIKENESS.  I was made - a child of a king - a princess - an heir to the kingdom of Christ Jesus because I accepted the blood of Jesus Christ and realized He paid a very tremendous price for the sins I would one day commit.  But you see, here's the reality of all that the devil tried to tell me:

MY GOD DON'T MAKE NO JUNK!

That's right.  God didn't make mistakes when He made me.  He made me PERFECTLY the way that HE intended.  He personally hand chose my appearance, my skin, my eyes, my hair, every freckle on my body, my pale lips, and even my dry skin.  He chose for me every single thing and said, "This is my child and I love her.  She is complete."  Then, God breathed life into me, sent me to live with my earthly parents and waited patiently for me to accept Him and to fall in love with Him and all that He has to offer me.  You see, God LOVES ME.  God is absolutely in love me and wants nothing more than for me to devote every moment to Him.  He wants to be my first thought in the morning - even before I think of my husband and child.  He wants to be the last thought on my mind before I go to bed - even before my husband and child.  He wants to be the thought on my mind when I'm stressed about work or school, finances, or anything and then He wants to remind me "NOT TO WORRY!"  


Because God tells me in Matthew 6:25-26:


“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 


That's just it.  I am more valuable to Christ than the birds in the air - and yet He provides them with food, with shelter, and everything they need to survive.  And yet here I am, asking "Who am I?"


I'll tell you who I am.  I'll tell you who you are, too.


When you come to accept Jesus...when you accept the gift that God has given you - as noted in Ephesians 2:8-9, God says, "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. "


Contrary to popular belief, I can't work my way into Heaven.  I can't do good deeds to get there. I will only get into Heaven because Christ died for my sins.  Because Christ gave me a gift I can NEVER repay.  You wanna read something good...go read Ephesians 2:1-10.  Then, come talk about how much God loves you.  


Cause see, here's the reality - you can live your life searching for things of this world.  You can live your life trying to be good and be kind to others.  Sure, those are good things.  But they won't get you to Heaven.  You can chase after relationships, pursue forgiveness, try out new jobs, try to pursue promotions in other ones, shop for the next shiny object, etc...but in the end, none of it matters.  Cause when you get to Heaven, guess what you'll be doing if you've accepted Christ - PRAISING HIM.  You won't be consumed with relationships.  You won't be working on your car - working on documents - or even counseling friends.  You'll be sitting at the feet of God - realizing that you lived a life on earth only to reach the perfection of an eternity with God who has pursued you relentlessly.  You'll realize that no relationship on this earth (not your husband, not your wife, not your girlfriend, boyfriend, etc.) can EVER compare to the perfection and pursuing love that God will give you.  Talk about someone who wants you....look to God.  He never left you.

Are you ashamed to be married?

Okay, I have to admit...I'm really agitated.

I know that not everyone is in the same spot that I am in my life - and I know that I have a lot of work to do myself in a lot of areas of my life.  However, nothing irritates me more than to watch people belittle others for being in love with their spouse.

For those of you who know me, you know I am one super proud wife.  My husband and I have been through the wringer and there's not a soul on this earth that is going to rip us apart.  I'm simply not going to permit it.  I love my husband and I'll profess that each and every day, to friends, to co-workers, to church family, to regular family, etc.  My husband and I share a very special bond - as does each husband and wife - and that's something that I take very seriously.  My husband and I have traveled through some very ugly and hurtful waters together only to come out on top of all the damage that sin did in our lives.

The latest big trend I've noticed is something I noticed at the Winterjam tour.  I'm not sure if it's really a big "Christian" thing or if it's just something that more folks are catching on to, but professing your love for your husband/wife is "in."  Especially in an area where our society is driven by sin, pornography, lust, and so much more selfish and hateful things.  See, the thing is, it's AWESOME to be in love with your husband/wife and it's even more awesome (in my opinion) to hear folks talking about just how much they DO love their spouse.

So that brings me to my next complaint.  Why is it necessary for others around us to "condemn" us for speaking out such truths?  Why is it when we profess our love for our spouses by wearing a T-shirt that says, "I love my husband," or "I love my wife," that suddenly we're shunned from the community?  See, I've got a theory on that, too - and really, it's kind of ugly.

First, you're too self-involved to ever allow anyone to profess their love for you.  You'd rather someone not show that they care because that shows weakness.  It shows that you have feelings and that someone else makes you weak in the knees.  You're too concerned about your outward appearance to others to really let anyone else know how you feel - or how your spouse feels about you.

Something I've learned - and seen it taught in church OVER AND OVER is that loving your spouse and being completely devoted to them...that's encouraging.  It's honorable.  It's awesome.  It's affectionate.  It's kind.  It shows that despite our often rugged exteriors, we have inner pieces of ourselves that are compassionate, caring, and sincere.  It shows that we want to be taken care of by someone and told that we are loved.  It shows that when we go home at night, we go home to a family and not to a mirror image of ourselves.  It shows that when we take pictures, we take pictures as a family, and not of ourselves.  Most of all, it shows that we are willing to put someone else's needs/desires above our own, after God's.

So, in scripture, it says this:

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

So tell me, do you think Christ professes His love for you? I'm quite sure that scripture teaches us in Daniel that God loves you enough to battle DAILY for your soul. He loves you that much. So, isn't it about time you started loving your spouse and stopped being ashamed of being married?

Gossip

I had to learn a hard lesson this week.  Despite my desire to help, I believe I had hurt one or more people in my desire to be someone who was helping out.  In this, I broke trust, created anger and animosity, and may very well have caused other issues to arise in certain people due to my lack of courtesy.

Websters defines gossip as: idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others.

Kristin defines gossip as: talking about someone that can cause them hurt, however, speaking truth wasn't classified as gossip.

Most importantly, the Bible says this about gossip:

• A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret. ~Proverbs 11:13 
• A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.~Proverbs 16:28 
• The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to the inmost parts.~Proverbs 18:8
•  A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much. ~Proverbs 20:19 
• Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down.~Proverbs 26:20

Celebrate Recovery is a good - no, it's a great - program.  But, it's only as great as we allow the Lord to be in our lives.  I say that because you have to really submit to the Lord and follow every single rule - for it to work.    In Celebrate Recovery, there are 5 rules:

1. Limit your sharing to your own thoughts and feelings and keep this to 3-5 minutes.  Use "I" and "Me" statements.  Your recovery isn't about your spouse, your roommate, your boyfriend/girlfriend, your boss, etc.  It's about YOU.  
2. There is no crosstalk.  This means handing someone a tissue, engaging in a conversation with someone else that excludes the group, agreeing or disagreeing with someone else's response, etc.
3. We are here to support one another, not fix one another.  This means we do not offer book referrals.  We do not offer counselor referrals.  We do not offer to fix someone else's issue for them.  
4. Anonymity and confidentiality are basic requirements.  What's said in our groups, stays in our group.  The only exception is when someone threatens to injure themselves or others.  
5. There is NO offensive language in a Christ-centered recovery group.  Period.  You are in a house of God.  

So, all that said, let me remind you of my background...

I speak openly about my issues.  I've spoken about them in front of my church, my friends, my family, etc.  The only way that I will ever be 100% accountable for my own actions is by making sure someone knows about what is going on in my life.  Wrong, right, or otherwise.  

I've been leading a CR group (an open group) for about 6 months now.  I tell you that the women in that group are my dearest of friends and I would do anything to make sure they are okay.  However, I've violated rule 3 in that theory.  I've tried to fix my friends - rather than send them back to God.  As my sponsor told me, I have a "God complex."  That means that I am willing to respond to e-mails, offer advice, and so on, rather than sending this person back to God. 

I've also broken rule 4.  In my wanting to "help" my friends, I've turned towards an accountability partner for that friend and filled her in on what's going on.  That hurt that relationship by again, not sending that person back to God.  While those people didn't mind the communication, I was the one realizing it was wrong and something I needed to stop doing.  While it was being seen as "helping" to them, to God, it's viewed as gossip.  I also spoke truthfully about a certain issue which caused someone to get their feelings hurt.  When they brought it to me, I at first was angry.  I thought, "How dare you be mad at me for speaking the truth."  But, after I processed it, listened to their side, I realized what I had done was hurt them and for that, I sought forgiveness, from them, and the others I communicated to.  

So really, what is my lesson learned?  It's actually kind of simple.  After I realized that what I was doing was considered gossip according to God's law, I sought forgiveness.  

The change I made going forward is to NEVER discuss someone else's attendance (even to their sponsor), someone else's issues (even to their accountability partner), or even tell someone else if someone going through CR is "fine" or "not fine."  What I realized from this was that sometimes, people are scared.  I remember when I first went to Celebrate Recovery and heard people reading their testimonies.  I thought, "You're absolutely INSANE if you think I'm ever going to air out my dirt like that in public."  

But, the truth is...airing out my dirt feels GOOD!  It feels good to be ACCEPTED for who I am, not who I was!  It feels good to know that I have a church community who can FORGIVE me when I make mistakes and when I fall on my face.  It's also good to know that I have a group of women in my life who SUPPORT me and remind me that the devil is on my heels EVERY SINGLE STEP of the way and that I need only to turn around and remind him that I walk with Jesus Christ and that he will NOT WIN THIS BATTLE!

So, wrapping up all that junk in a nutshell...

Looking back, the past can hurt.  Sure, it hurts me to think that people may be hurt my actions.  Sure, it hurts me to know that people gossip about me, too.  But, it doesn't hurt me NEAR as much as it used to.  I hear about it and I honestly, move on.  Why?  Because the Lord tells me not to waste my time idly.  To use it to glorify Him.  And if I harbor resentment, can't ask for forgiveness, or can't admit when I fail, what good do I do to a program where the Lord is asking others to forgive and move-on, too?

The Battle

I was listening to a song this morning: Chris August's, The Battle when I really started focusing on the words...


This time of year is always full of new year's resolutions, but rarely do we ever really stop to think about what each day GIVEN to us really means.  This song starts out by saying, "There's a battle between good and evil, and it's raging inside of me..."


I stopped and thought, "What does that really mean?"  In the book of Daniel, often one of my favorite books of the bible, it says, "Then he continued, “Do not be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them. But the prince of the Persian kingdom resisted me twenty-one days. Then Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, because I was detained there with the king of Persia." ~Daniel 10:12-13  


In my opinion (and I am certainly not skilled in the ways of theology, nor am I degreed in it), this means that there was a battle going on between Gabriel and Satan/Lucifer/Devil/Bad Dude.  Gabriel was trying to get a message to Daniel in regards to his prayers and Bad Dude was blocking the way.  Michael, the arch-angel warrior that we hear about in Scripture came to help out and then Gabriel was able to get to Daniel to deliver the message.  It wasn't that God wasn't answering Daniel, but that Satan stood in the way of the answer.  So that "battle between good and evil..." to me, is pretty real. There's really a battle going on out there for my soul - and while I'm promised to God through my recognition of His work on the cross, Satan still tries pretty hard to inflict havoc upon my daily life.  Putting sinful choices in my way, putting sinful people in my life, etc etc. 

The second verse says, "There's a struggle, it's God and the devil."


This is probably my favorite part of the song...well, one of them anyway.  Mostly because it doesn't say, "There's a struggle between Kristin and the devil..."  And guess what, if you've given your life to Christ and truly believe that Christ died for your sins 2,000 years ago, then that struggle isn't yours, either.  It's God's and as sincerely as I can put this, God doesn't need your help.  He's perfectly capable of squishing evil without your help.  Sure, Christ is a lamb - a peacemaker - if you will, but God...the Father - He's...well, kicking butt and taking names.  God is that warrior on a horse.  And He is superior to Satan.  After all, He created him.  Another part of that song is, "Yeah the world will try to battle for my heart, but the war is already won."  


Let's define those two words:


Battle is defined as "any conflict or struggle." (Dictionary.com)


War, on the other hand is defined as "a contest carried on by force of arms, as in a series of battles or campaigns." (Dictionary.com)


So a battle is a "mini-fight" while a war is a "series of smaller fights encompassing the major can of angry dealt at the end, determining the victor.  I read this as, "Satan, you can fight for me all you want.  I'm God's.  And there's NOTHING you can do to change that."


The next lyrics I liked were, "There is trouble on the horizon, but I'm claiming victory."  I like this particularly because of the truth it holds towards my own life.  Sure, there's going to be a LOT of roadblocks placed in front of me, but in the end, I know I'll be victorious.  Therefore, I can claim winning the battle up front because God is in control of my battleship.  Let Satan try all he wants - he isn't taking my heart - my soul - or my love for God.


It really goes back to realizing that each of us are given a choice.  God has given us free will to choose our path.  He obviously wants us to choose His plan for us because He knows how amazing it is and what He can provide for us, but ultimately, it's our decision.  In choosing Christ, I stepped onto his side of the battlefield and gave my soul to Him, placing Him in command of my life.

This all goes back to Celebrate Recovery, too.  Had it not have been for the support of friends and family during this time, I'd of probably taken LONGER to realize the truth behind God's love for me.  But really, if it weren't for God's forgiveness and his unfailing mercy and grace for my sins and ugliness, I would definitely not be where I am today.


There is so much that I've been given - be it friends, relationships, my husband, my child, etc., but nothing compares to the gift that God has given me when He sent His Son to die on the cross, knowing what sins I would commit later in my life.  Knowing that as much as God hates sin, Christ stands in front of God's wrath and says, "Forgiven."  What an awesome thing to know.  How awesome to know that the battle IS won.  That I'm God's - and no matter what Satan throws in my path, I'm always going to be God's daughter.

Lord, forgive me...

As I sit back and worry day to day about bills, expenses, food, and other things, I have realized over the last several days that I am being humbled by the Lord.  I am making a much better effort to spend wisely and ensure our debts are paid before we spend on other things.  I am making a much better effort at eating what is put before me, rather than always eating out - and in that same sentence, being very grateful for the choice of food the Lord has given me.

I am also reminded when I see the image of a sparrow that God continually reminds me I am worth more than a sparrow and that even sparrows do not fall.   


Matthew 10:28-31 says:  Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Recently, a few of our church staff went to Ecuador.  Coming back, I heard stories of how the enemy was destroying the pastors out there and using one man to interfere.  I saw pictures of incredible rainfall, right at the time our teams were wanting to talk to others only to realize God used them at that very moment to pour into their leaders.  Then, I have watched our team here at RealPage go to the Philippines.  That office was started by a very humble man who had a desire to serve others there.  I got a chance to see some amazing pictures on his page from the Philippines and it just reminds me of how very good I have it.  The last few weeks, God has really humbled my heart.  There have been several things I've realized that were clearly from God and I've paid very close attention to them.  I've also caught myself begging God to open my eyes to what He sees.

As a cautionary measure, you should be very careful praying that prayer.  Because my heart is breaking at the poverty and the hurt I am seeing now.  Unfortunately, I'm realizing how selfish I am and in that selfishness, I am working as hard as can be to cut out the unnecessary things and focus only on what God needs me to.  What I'm noticing is that as God is bringing me closer to Him, He is also really level-setting my heart.  He's showing me what's important and I feel like right now, He's showing me all those less fortunate to show me His love for these children, no matter young or old.  They are all His.

I couldn't help but stop and write a quick post and share the absolute hurt I feel for those right now that live in garbage yards or in shacks.  For those that live in jungles - and for those who absolutely just don't know who Jesus is.

It is my prayer that we can raise our son to understand the greatness he has here in this world, too, and that he will be used by God to glorify Himself.

Please, Lord, be with me.  Strengthen me for the reality you are showing me.  And Lord, show me how I can help.  Thank you for all of your provision.  Thank you for your love, your forgiveness, and your grace.  I am eternally in your debt.  Thank you for the gift of life - both mortal, and immortal.

In Your Grip...

Resetting what I know about my God...

The reality of my relationship with Christ is that what is it today, is not what it was yesterday.  


I heard an absolutely amazing sermon today and it really not only tore me to pieces, but it really showed me that the trials God puts in my life isn't to "pass me by," but to "pass me by."  


In Mark 6, there is a story talking about the miracle of Jesus walking on the water and something caught my eye in the sermon today - just as Todd called it out:


"He saw that they were in serious trouble, rowing hard and struggling against the wind and waves. About three o’clock in the morning Jesus came toward them, walking on the water. He intended to go past them," ~Mark 6:48


Did you catch that too?  Here the disciples are, in a storm, the wind in their face.  Much like we all have points in our life where the wind is in our face.  We lose jobs, we lose money, we lose our homes, we lose our children, we lose our parents, our siblings, our aunts and uncles...and when we think God has forgotten us, we wonder why He "intends to pass us."  


But - are we reading this scripture right?  Todd talked today about a passage in Exodus where Moses had this same thing - and he was passed by...by the Lord.  But it wasn't to "pass him" as we think of being deserted, but to pass us by and show His glory.  God is using a situation in our life to pass by us and show us His magnificent beauty and power and that He REALLY is in control.


Todd talked about the footprints poem today (I'm sure you all know it...) and he said that if we think about it, footprints wash away in the sand.  But look at the water, you can't even see the Lord's footprints in the water, but we know He's there, walking on water, calming our storms.  Yes, we cry out and wonder where He is and when He will save us, but isn't the truth that He's been out there all along...controlling and COMMANDING the storms?  

It made me realize as we sang "Greatness of our God" by Hillsong that the tears in my eyes just completely humbled my heart.  I looked over at my husband and realized, he felt the same.  Something really hit us.  The reality of the love that Christ has and just the power that God has over us is so amazing.  The lyrics to this song just took my breath away and I had to stop singing and just reflect on the amazing truth behind this song.  I kept listening to the lyrics trying every now and then to sing, but realizing that I just couldn't do it. I realized too often, have I forgotten how great my God really is.  Too often, I've looked at those footprints and taken them for granted and not realized they were there all along.  I didn't need proof to see them in the sand.


If you've never heard this song:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vf2YJAG84_8&ob=av2n


Here are the lyrics:


Give me eyes to see
More of who You are
May what I behold,
still my anxious heart.
Take what I have known
And break it all apart
For You my God, are greater still.


No sky contains,
No doubt restrains,
All You are,
The greatness of our God.
I spend my life to know,
And I'm far from close
To all You are,
The greatness of our God.


Give me grace to see
Beyond this moment here.
To believe that there
Is nothing left to fear.

That You alone are high above it all.
For You my God, are greater still.


No sky contains,
No doubt restrains,
All You are,
The greatness of our God.
I spend my life to know,
And I'm far from close
To all You are,
The greatness of our God.


And there is nothing
That can ever separate us.
There is nothing that can ever
separate us from Your love.
No life, no death, of this I am convinced.
You my God, are greater still.


And no words can say, or song convey,
all You are the greatness of our God.
I spend my life to know,
And I'm far from close
to all You are,
the greatness of our God.



That reminded me of that lion and lamb picture I posted earlier.  God is giving us a chance.  He's giving us a chance to know His greatness as the Lamb.  We'll all get the chance to stand before Christ - in all His glory.  But, how do you want to see God?  As the lamb...or as the mighty lion?  I'm so grateful my God is a lion - and I marvel at His complete power over every single thing on this earth and in my life. 

But, I am even more grateful that 2,011 years ago, God sent His one and only Son to die for me.  I've had to come to the very selfish realization lately that what Christ did for me, I'm not sure I could do.  If my dad told me, "Kristin...you need to give up your son - your one and only son who you love dearly - who you cherish every smile, every touch, every heartbeat - every laugh - for this homeless man.  You are to nail him to a cross, watch him be dragged through the streets, beaten, mocked, and watch as the enemy nails his hands and feets to a cross - all to save a man you've never met from death..."


As I sit here and just cry over the reality of what God did for me, I cry more because of my own selfishness knowing that I want so much to be able to say I'd give him up, but I'm not sure I could.  Sure, I could give him to God, but for someone else?  For just "ANYONE" off the street?  Ugh.  The reality of that gift sinks in so deeply and I am just beside myself with gratitude at the gift I was given 2,011 years ago - though my life was but a breathe in the imagination of many ancestors ago.  


But the truth is, there really is nothing that could separate me from God.  Not life, not death.  He's my God.  He's your God.  And if you don't know Him, I want to share Him with you.  I want to tell you why I wipe away the tears.  I want to tell you why I love my God and why my selfishness humbles me.